A Guy on a Dating App Called Me a “Good Girl,” And It’s Ruining My Life

I knew it was bad news when I saw the word “dominant” in his profile. Maybe not bad news per se but I knew he wasn’t my guy, because, well, I’m a good girl.

But I thought, what the hell? He looked like a younger, hotter Epstein.

We started talking, and honestly, it was fine. While the chat on the app may be gone forever, the conversation is still burned into my memory — not to mention the texts that came after.

He can’t stop bragging about how “dominant” he is and how “rare” that is, since, I don’t think I mentioned it yet, this man is a Jew (I can say it) and we’re talking on JSwipe. He brought up that he’s half-Jewish, but not to worry, because it's the “good half” (his words, not mine). I don’t even know which half he’s talking about lol, and honestly, it doesn't matter. Even if he were the great-great-great-great-grandson of Moses himself, he still wouldn’t have had a chance.

I knew I shouldn't even entertain the conversation because I could tell we weren't a match but I thought whatever. I was bored and kind of wanted to see where it would go. Not surprised the answer was the gutter.

He asked for my number. I said not yet and wanted to ask him a question first. I asked, he answered, and I kinda liked what he had to say. So when he asked, “Now can I get your number?” I said sure and sent it. Full send, despite my better judgment.

I sent him my number and didn’t open the app again for a while. His opening text was actually great, and I thought maybe I'd misjudged him. (I hadn’t.)

We started chatting, and when I went back to open JSwipe to send pictures of him to a friend (as you do), I saw he had sent me a text after I sent him my number. It was just two words: “good girl.”

Now I don’t know if you’re dying like I was, because 1. you knew it was coming, and 2. it didn’t happen to you.

We were texting and I said to him "omg I just saw the good girl 😂🤦‍♀️."

He responded, "lol not your vibe?" and I said, "lol it's not not my vibe. I'm a very good girl" and sent the angel emoji. Classic. I knew I probably shouldn't have said that but I can't pretend to be Angelina Jolie when I'm so clearly Jen.

That's when he hit me with another insanely quotable line that my friends and I have been using way more than I'd like to admit. Homeboy said — along with some other unhinged shit — “I figured you had a bit of a praise kink.”

!!!!!!!

Hilarious.

Truly hilarious. I obviously haha'd that message although I'm not sure he saw because he was apparently a dominant Android guy.

That's when things took a turn and he got a little too inappropriate so I won't share those messages. They're not as funny as these ones anyway. The convo ended shortly after when I didn't respond to his insanely out-of-pocket final message. (I will contemplate releasing the full text convo if there is enough interest.)

But good girl and praise kink. That's what we're focusing on here.

I told a few friends about the praise kink thing because I thought it was so so so funny. I spoke to a girl friend and a guy friend about it and they both had the same response, which was like ya who doesn't??!!?!?! My girl friend said, “I loooove being told I'm a good girl” and my guy friend was more along the lines of “doesn't everyone love being told that they're doing a good job??? I don't buy that they don't.”

And I get it. I definitely have that goody-two-shoes/teacher's pet vibe. My Hebrew name literally translates to “good.” I am a very good girl. Always have been. That's why when Jake started getting too NSFW right off the jump, I had to shut 'er down. And by shut 'er down I mean ghost his last message that was so delulu he couldn’t have possibly expected a reply.

So why is it ruining my life?

Great question.

1) I can’t do anything around my friends anymore without them calling me a gg.

And 2) The new family puppy. I probably say (and hear) the words “good girl” a bajillion times a day. Minimum. We sometimes mix in a “bad girl,” but that’s once in a blue moon. We’re good-girling out the wazoo over here.

We have a puppy. My brother has a puppy. You can't not say “good girl” all the freaking time when you're around puppies! They're good girls! And they need to know!!

Anyway, it's super funny and I giggle to myself every time I say it, which is a LOT.

And you know what? When I call my pup a “good girl” she sticks her tongue out, wags her tail, and goes wild — exactly the reaction I imagine this guy was hoping for.

Sooo pretty sure my puppy has a praise kink 🤷‍♀️… but honestly, like, who doesn’t?