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  • Writer's picturetaylor cooperband

That Time I Was Too Naive For My Own Good ft. Jay, Dan and Jack Armstrong

Some people use the word dumb, I prefer to use naive. Ever since I was a little girl, I’ve always been a little bit on the “naive” side. I think sometimes people think I play things up, but the truth is I just always take people at their word. People show me things and tell me things and I believe them. SO SUE ME.

Case-in-point: I’ve seen “There’s Something About Mary” at LEAST 30 times. It wasn’t until I saw it a few years ago that I realized it wasn’t *actually* hair gel Cameron Diaz puts in her hair. That one I really should have known. No hair gel actually has a hold that firm.

Now, you’re probably thinking, “Tay, what could you have possibly thought Ben Stiller was doing in the bathroom before the date when he produced said gel? It’s pretty obvious.” And it is obvious. Especially when I watch it now. But sometimes I’m just too innocent for my own good.

And unless you give me a reason to doubt you, if you tell me something, chances are, I will believe you. Especially if I question you and you stick with the joke/lie. Whenever I hear something outrageous and I think someone is messing with me, I always go, “no way, really!?!?” And if that person keeps up the act, that is officially now a fact to me.

Now that I’m getting older, and I like to think a little wiser, these incidents happen to me fewer and further between. At least I think they do. But I got hit with a good one a few months ago that I thought I would share with the group.

I’m just going to give you a reeally quick backstory about my love for Jack Armstrong first.

If his face doesn't ring any bells, you would definitely recognize his voice if you're a basketball fan. He’s that TSN analyst with the SUPER thick Brooklyn accent who loves to say, “get that gahbage outta here!!!” I don’t know what it is about him but I always thought he seemed like the sweetest, most genuine human being. And who doesn’t love a good NY accent?

A few months ago I actually had the opportunity to meet him and hear him speak, and it just secured everything that I somehow already knew about him. He is the purest, sweetest soul on the planet and when he began tearing up talking about how important family and his 92-year-old mother is, I knew there was a reason I’ve always loved him. He was everything I wanted him to be and so much more.

Enter Jay and Dan. I’m watching their show a few days later and I see this commercial for a Jack Armstrong personal assistant. I was in the market for an Alexa or Google thing, and I thought wait a minute, maybe THIS is it. I can add things to my shopping cart and order Ubers, and not only will more things get done, but it will be JACK ARMSTRONG narrating it all to me. Talk about a dream come true!

It’s basically like we’re going to be friends, I thought to myself. We’re just going to chit chat all day. I wanted to pinch myself. I was seriously contemplating purchasing this thing. I wondered if his voice would get annoying after a while, but told myself not to be ridiculous,

I remember telling my friends about it the next day. “Guys, did you see that new Jack Armstrong thing they’re coming out with?? I think I’m going to get one!” My friend Olly said, “what thing?” I told him all about it and told him about the commercial. “Show it to me,” he said. “Okay.”

So I think you can all guess what happened next. Or maybe not. Maybe you’re an innocent one like me and took this at face value.

Olly: “You thought this was REAL???? Oh sweetie…”

I won’t reiterate all the chirps I went on to receive for the next 5-7 minutes, but apparently it’s a good thing I’m kind of cute or whatever.

Anyway, turns out I’m still du-- naive sometimes. I blame Jay and Dan. Jack, if you ever want to actually make one of those assistants, I’ll be the first to buy one. Alexa’s kind of a bitch.

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